So here it ends. Right where it all began. Last night was the worst night in my career as an 18year old. I felt your pain. It was so bad that i couldnt stop crying, and at one point i couldnt even breathe. I was choking, on your pain.
My promises to you still stands. But the last one, i'm not sure if i can assure you that because the pain that i felt was worthy of my tears, or rather, they just came. I love you too much to let go. Not the love as a lover or a girlfriend to a boyfriend. But the love from a younger sister to a older brother. I love you too much to let you go. Your promise to me assured me that i'll at least get to see you for one last time before you leave. But if i were to predict the situation now, its already predicted.
My tears are only for the worthy and you're one of them. Fuck karma because our sibling love takes over it.
I cried myself to sleep last night. I'm sorry, but you did say after today. So i can still cry like a bitch for the rest of today. I smoked three packs of cigs ytd and i'm coughing away like a mad slut. It isnt your fault i swear. I didnt feel anything after you told me that you snapped and that everything you said in the afternoon was part of the whole snapping process. But its okay, you know what my answer is.
And it will never change.
Neh, if you read this. I want you to know that i love you a whole damn lot. I chose not to tell you what happened because you were with Dwayne and i didnt want to spoil your day with him. I love you too much to bring you my pain. Its just my luck that i can feel what everyone's feeling. The whole chunk of feelings all swarming to you at one go isnt a very nice sensation. I flipped at 2am in the morning because of that. Thats the reason why i couldnt take it anymore and i cried like a slut.
Xx, i know you're very concerned. But not everything falls on Mel. Its not only him i'm feeling. Its everyone's feelings mixed together and i get it. I cant stop doing what i do because its in me. I love you a whole damn lot and thanks for calling me when i needed someone to speak to the most.
Jean, i know i gave you a asthma attack when i told you about the proposal. You practically flipped and died. You know i know that you're there for me and i appreciate it a whole lot. I didnt want to tell you the pain i was feeling is only because of the sadness i'll bring you. You havent failed as a friend i assure you. Its just that some things are meant to endured alone. Like i said, it gets lonely standing at the top of the mountain, waiting for somebody to fall or slip while climbing up to reach you. Then going to rescue them and hope that they'll be alright. Thank Ernest for me. Your baby is the sweetest. I love you jean.
So it all ends here and now. I'm too tired to fight the feelings away anymore. Let it all come.
In my words, Bring It On.
If you chose to break your promise because you dun want to see the person you dote on the most cry. I swear, i will die for you to see. I can live life because of you and i can end it just like that. Ask me why and i'll tell you that its only because of the love thats in me. Once it breaks, no more me.
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