Sunday, December 20, 2009

When thoughts go wandering.

I've never been the one who waits for anything. Sometimes i think i was born without a patience gene. But for the past month, i waited for an answer.

Till i gave up waiting.

The wait destroyed part of my life. I didn't want anyone to know about it, keeping it to myself. The worst part was having to pretend that everything was perfect and that i didn't have any problems. It was as if i lost everything overnight, my world lost its sun, the only thing that brightened up my days.

I took a gamble, because i know if i lose, i lose everything. But still i persisted in my desires, hoping and praying for the "loss" that will not come. In the end, i was still the loser, with nothing to return home with. I had nothing and nobody.

I had to go through what i was going through by myself and the shit deal was probably that i still had to listen to other peoples' problems, but i had nobody to listen to mine. I felt the loneliest during this period. I had nobody to trust, or rather i lost faith in people.

The bitching around refused to stop. It was as if i was talking to clay that was already conformed their shape. I gave up talking eventually because the feelings i had would not let me form words for them. School became a goddamn drag because i couldn't pay attention in any of my classes.

Any shit deal that can happen, happened.

I'm still picking myself up, wondering what and where did i go wrong. Maybe it was wrong for me to want someone i cannot have. So i've decided not to conform to one and be the non-conformist that i am.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

Bah!

My current alcohol tolerance can go suck cock.

Thursday, December 03, 2009

For you.

I. Will. Wait.

Gone.

And I know it's over.

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Fucked day.

Mankind is definitely born fucking stupid, because nobody machine washes a fucking Bape jacket. Its a $600, limited edition, Bape jacket.

I really fucking hate it when anyone touches anything of mine without asking.

Now i'm crying like fuck and i dunno what to do.

Plus my day is really fucked, cos i dreamt of this fella that got pulled into a hole cos of the chain he was wearing. He got pulled in and was crushed by the moving propellers and his blood was like everywhere. I just know my first reaction upon seeing his chain get caught, is not to help him. It was the human instinct to run away.

I hid in a corner, stuffing my fingers in my ears, rocking my body so that i'll be distracted by the motion and not the sounds. But no, i could still hear it, the sound of blood splattering all over the walls/floor. I woke up and i was all curled up like a foetus, sitting on the corner of my bed, still rocking.

I told M about his jacket. He is damn sian and i'm still crying like fuck.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Bar jokes.

Customer: Do you have anything to eat?
Bartender: Got ah. Tissue paper.

Customer: Do you know where is the nightlife?
Bartender: Why? You got no life ah?

Customer: Excuse me!
Bartender: Toilets are to your right.

Customer: I want whiskey on the rocks, no ice.
Bartender: What!!??

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Uncertainty

I no longer know who is telling the truth. And it's taxing to play such games with other little people.
You can seriously go to hell if you wanna play such games.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Short update.

I promise to update asap. As soon as I finish my goddamned assignments.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

To Adam Juhari.
And..
Medusa, my tempermental TW200.

Many happy returns for your special day.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Perhaps.

Looking back at the past few weeks, its been one joyride.

I'm currently living a very carefree life, with little or no worry about anything whatsoever. No calls asking me for advice etc. All i need to care about is whether my bike has petrol or when i need to quit smoking.

I like the dating phase.

He drives me insane sometimes with his pokes and tries ways and means to annoy the living hell outta me. But oh well.

He suggests that i blog about life on the road. And i think thats a very good idea. It'll be quite interesting to read it from another person's point of view, no?

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Baby.

I can see your halo.

Monday, September 28, 2009

=)

You. Drove. Me. Insane.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Hello there.


Things i do to get a picture with a dog.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Fuck me.

Rushed back from school to have dinner with M, met up and took a buscab because i refuse to wait for the bus.

We had dinner at Swensons. I've been to alot of places to eat, but i swear to God Swensons is by far, THE WORST, restaurant i've ever eaten at. If i wanted a steak done RARE, i think i will ask for it to be done that way. But no, i was given like probably the RAREST steak alive. Its like they warmed it up on the grill for five minutes then serve it to me.

And when i asked for it to be done the way i wanted it to be, i got it back BURNT. This certainly tells me how much bullshit your cooking and attitude is worth. But the epic part came when i asked for the Manager. There are alot of people who have dined and actually seen a service staff getting verbally attacked by yours truly. I guess M saw it for the first time and he kept trying to calm me down.

I told the Manager, "If i wanted my steak to be done rare, i would ask for it. Then i asked for my steak to be re-done only to have it come back to me, BURNT. Now, i REFUSE to pay for this and you WILL strike it off and bring me my bill."

Obviously the Manager had nothing else to say.

So the bill came and it was presented to M, he being the sweetest, put his card on the bill folder, but no, i took the bill and glanced through then i swapped his card for mine. We waited awhile for the bill to come back and then i signed it. She was about to take the folder away when i told her to wait and put ten dollars on the bill folder. She stopped and hesitated, not sure of what i was doing. But i told her it was okay.

We left after that.

M said that even though i complained about the food and all, i was still nice enough to give them a tip. To which i cordially replied, that a tip is nothing compared to the verbal lashing i gave.

I know i sound very mean and i totally agree that i am a bitch. But the truth is, i work in this line also. I do not give you fucked up drinks or food, neither do i intentionally ignore you when you want to order something. Its just that maybe the society shouldn't be such a free loader and actually buy drinks instead of ask for ice water repeatedly. Its like, do you actually know how bloody IRRITATING it is to keep going back and forth for water?


Last Saturday, 12th Sept.
I buanged bike again. This time, of all the things i can ram into, i rammed M's $1000 pipe, which sat a plane from Finland to SG. I cannot go bang on the tyre, or side stand or the fender, NO, i had to aim for the goddamned pipe. Then never mind the pipe. I also screwed his main stand.

WOW.

I never cease to amaze myself, the Queen Clumsy.

I was freaking out when i got home, cos i swear to God i thought M hates me because of the fact i rammed into his bike. Its like when i fell off and rolled once, when i sat up, the first thing i thought of was his bike.

I thought my life was over.

But no, first thing he did was to help me up and insist on going to the hospital. I thought my tattoos got all scraped off and that i was bleeding everywhere. I was scared ball-less please. I did a quick check and i found out i was okay.

Till i saw my bike.

Damages to my bike:
Handlebar bent.
Mirror gone.
Front brake lever gone.
P-plate broke. ( Left like the yellow luminous parts. So now it looks like a vampire gone wrong.)
Total damage: Probably...less than $100.

Then went to examine M's bike:

Damages to his chrome/vintage bike:
Pipe crooked. (The thing sit aeroplane come SG one.)
Side cover got giant dent.
Main stand gone.
Footrest rubber tore.
Total damage: About 1.8k? Unsure how much the side cover cost.

Wah, i dunno what to do also please. He still can tell me he want to pay for my servicing. I told him to either buy me a new bike, or shut up. We sat at the kerb and i called for a tow truck, because there is no way as hell i am going to ride without a front brake. I can try but M wont let me. He says my four months of experience is not enough to cope.

It is fucking sad to see your bike "ki chia" (dialect for die already and go up the hearse). I wanted to cry. He gave me a ride home after i settled my bike with the tow truck. And it sure didnt help that his fucked main stand hit the hump at my carpark.

I got home and i cried.

I felt damn bad please. He was so goddamned tired but he still had to browse through like 1700 pages to find a main stand to replace the one i screwed. My god, i thought he hated and will never want to see me again. I was so worried that i cried myself to sleep.

And when morning came, i called my mech only to find out that he's at the shop but didnt call or text me about it. I freaked and texted half the world telling them that he hates me. But i went down to the shop and its a goddamned relief to see his smile and wave.

I swear.

He's not mad at me for screwing up his pipe, main stand and other parts. He's mad because i rode recklessly. He still sayangspunched me, not very hard though, more like a touch and go, and talks to me normally.

I dun know what i did to deserve this, but i'm as sure as hell that he's a God given miracle. =)

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Funny.

Phoenix: "Cheesecake?"
Fiz: "What cheesecake? Got hear darling all, never got girl call me cheesecake before."

HAHAHHAHAHAH!!!! Fucking funny.

Monday, August 31, 2009

Updates.

I've been happy these days, till Adam decided to pull a joke on me.

I'm one pampered bitch, manja as the malays would call it. Its been a long time since i've been treated this way, and it does feel damn shiok to be able to rely on someone for once. So i'm a happy bitch.


Installed BMW air-horns, thanks to the crazy drivers on the roads.

Traded tanks with Marco's tw. Its matt black.

Look at it, look at the amazing tank.

Then as a whole, she's almost perfect.

But Medusa is ill. She needs to go for a small operation because her engine is making this weird ticking noise, its driving me mad. I cannot stand weird noises on bikes. I must have her cured. Soon perhaps, when i get my pay.

A little sneak peek of Marco's tw project. He's quite enthusiastic about it, and we've been at the bike shop every day this week. I've fallen sick, like finally really. At least i dun feel half fucked all the time. Now i just feel fucked, not literally of course.


An attempt to create a Harley look, but the ex-owner failed terribly.


Stripped naked.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Now.

I'm here to say, its over.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

One.

ENOUGH.

I only require/need ONE.

I dun need anything/anyone else.

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Industry.

Having been in this line for, at last count, nearly five years. I've seen many things that normal girls my age would never see. This line is ugly, superficial and money based.

I swear.

Everything is all about looks and if you're "cute" like me, you can kiss this career goodbye if you dun have my kind of mentality. I guess after so long, co-workers have learnt that i'm not the "vase" and that i can do almost the same or even better than them.

I dun know.

Its how i was trained to work. I was trained to surpass others and there is no other alternative. In theory, it'll be if you can't beat them then join them kinda thing. I've watched and learnt from some of the best and the worst. I've done things that i never knew i could do. But this is the line where i learnt how to wear a mask. I've learnt that if you're a skinny, okay looking girl, you'll get all the benefits in the world. I'm not like that, in fact, i look nowhere near skinny.

I've watched skinny polesticks get their way by being just alittle bit whinier. I've seen them shift blame, and i really hate it. Sorry, for being meatier than them bitches.

Then again, this is a superficial industry. And i'm right smack in the middle of it.

I really cannot count the amount of times i was called fat by fellow colleagues, managers etc. It doesnt affect me anymore though. But still, leave the weight alone. I know i am a man-girl, but dun carry it too far, you might kena slap one day, by that man-girl.

Okay, i'll edit this later. Now i got no mood.

Saturday, August 01, 2009

Thoughts.

Just when i thought i was all free and happy, B comes into the picture.

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME.

And i thought Jean's streak in something is astonishing, here comes mine that beats hers all hands down. I'm plagued by many thoughts and insights. I dun know which option should i choose because both are good in their own ways. No matter what, somebody gonna get hurt (*russel peters), and i dun want that.

I really dun understand why i'm getting problems like this at this time, i thought everything was happy and gay. Till my freaking nightmare began. I need to understand Choice A before i think somemore. If Choice A is not gonna have an explaination, then its byebye to Choice A. But i like Choice A, its something about it that drives me mad and makes me feel secure.

Choice B on the other hand, makes me feel immensely happy. It may not be something that i would ever expect to happen, but it did. And boy oh boy did it give me a wonderful surprise. Choice B is smart and calm, never easily thrown from course and is very steady and secure.

HOW NOW?!

I is lost. Save me.

/edit/

Just when i thought i was all settled down and not moving to another workplace, i get another offer. RAH!

It never rains but pours, i swear.

And karma will bite you back in the ass if you lie. So dun lie.

I lied and it didnt feel very good on the inside, because i really dun like to lie. =(

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

The attraction.


I borrowed this Shoei helmet from Marco. Its darn gerek ( shiok in malay).


Yes, look at the thing. Its glitter gold.

Marco flew to Chicago yesterday for work and he wont be back for one-three weeks. I is sad phoenix, because theres nobody that will go drink carrot juice with me. Okay, i dun drink carrot juice, he does.

I rode with the Shoei helmet and you should have seen the amount of looks i got from other bikers on the road. This Phantom rider did one super long checking of blindspot when he saw me on the other side of the road. It was funny! Its like coupled with the fact that i'm a girl and riding a Trailway, he looked quite stunned.

But its mine till Marco comes back. Till then, i have to take very good care of the helmet because it cost a bomb. I carry it like a piece of gold.

Fiz says it looks like the first draft of ironman's mask. I beg to differ please.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Now or later?

I promise i will blog...later.

I promise.

Now, i need to sleep.

Friday, July 24, 2009

You know what?

I know for sure if this goes through, i'll be one blissfully happy phoenix.

Monday, July 20, 2009

High.

I am really happy. This feels like how i felt after my TP day, but waay better!

From where you find someone who does not mind my appearance or past? From where would you find someone that has no motive/intention in knowing you for you?

I am living the blissful life.

M: "I want to buy a vintage bike and subride to you so that you can follow me go vintage bike outing."

I nearly hyperventilated and died.

M: "I realise we always meet to either do bike or have a drink. Let's go for dinner sometime."

I feel like crying for joy when he said that.

I am really high, on cloud nine.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Happy.

Before time began, there was the cube...of cheese/tofu. -Transformers

I am living in a blissful life right now. I dun seem to have any anger, frustration or bitchfits that i want to throw.

Long time ago, i gave up on men. They seemed shallow and always doing things with motive. Having worked in nightlife for so many years, i watched men, whether they're married/engaged or with girlfriends, fool around with women. I watched their intentions, motives, reactions to women and sad to say, I've lost faith in them. My world seemed to revolve around sex, drugs and alcohol. I was sick and tired of listening to men tell me that they love/like/interested in me.

I was really sick and tired.

To the extent that even if i got a "proposal", i would turn them down. When other girls my age chased relationships and other girly intentions, i chased my career and nothing else. I seemed to be able to tell whether men were true or not, and sad to say, 99.5% of them had intentions to fuck rather than respect.

I always seemed older than my twenty one years.

It never bothered me that much.

To go clubbing would equal to standing/sitting with drinks and loud music. I lost touch with my age, thinking and having the "want" to be responsible for my own life. I started earning my own keep at eighteen and by nineteen my monthly salary was over two thousand and i had nothing to spend on. I did all of it without men and i've always deemed girls who needed to get into a relationship, weak and dependent on others.

Till i met him.

I went out yesterday, with him. I was carefree and happy. He made me laugh with his stories and riding never seemed this much fun.

His class 2 bike could beat mine flat with only three fingers on the throttle and in third gear. But no, he trailed behind me all the way, making sure i was safe and that he didnt outspeed me. Turning corners were the same, he would turn first and check his mirrors for me before speeding up to lead the way. My braking sucks because i always brake late, thus i always nearly ram into his two thousand dollar endcan. If it were others and i did that, i would get yelled at for the near miss. But he would calmly move up alittle so that there was space for me to shift and be comfortable. I pilloned him on Medusa because his seat was being done and he never once rushed me during the lane changing and stuff. He kept telling me to take my time. He knows i'm halal so he brought me to Mcdonalds for a late lunch. I didnt have to do anything, just sit and wait and even the condiments, he took them all for me. He taught me stuff about my bike i dun even have a clue to, brought me to buy stuff to put on Medusa.

Being the racer i am, i constantly challenge death. He knows that my speedometer is small, therefore i won't look at it, he gave me a spare meter of his, which looks freaking brand new, when he could have sold it for money. I said i wanted to go see his helmet collection and you better believe me when i tell you the fella has ONE head and over a HUNDRED helmets. He told me another day he wouldnt bring me home because there was no one else at home and that i was a girl. He brought me to the flea market at Pitt St to look around for vintage things and because i said i've never been there before. He shielded me when some fool of a child didnt look where he was going and nearly walked into me.

I have no idea what is this thing between us called, and frankly speaking, i really dun give a flying bother even. I just know that i'm happy and i havent felt this way in a very long time.

Saturday, July 18, 2009

The bruise.

I skidded on Medusa two weeks ago. I went face first into this drain thingy and i thought i died. My entire life flashed before my eyes.

When i opened my eyes, i cussed silently.

I wondered why my heaven had so many goddamn mats in it. And when i sat up, i wanted to cry because i thought the bikes in my heaven were pathetic. There were only Krs, Sps and kupchais. There didnt seem to be any Harleys or Aprillias or Hayabusas or even Ducatis.

I sat there in shock and Medusa's tank had my ankle pinned under her. Then the mats all got together and pulled her off me and out of the drain. Her "eye" was in a different direction and it was retarded, i swear. I didnt know what to do, and i could only stare at her, then to my friend and back again.

But i checked if she was okay, once i derived if i was hurt in any way. I was damn scared my arm twist against the forces of nature and all. But no, i was okay. Even my tattoos survived the fall. Then again, i was wearing jeans, shoes and tee. So it was still okay.

Day 1.

Day 3/4

Now.

My phoenix looks like its flying over a purple fireball. And my toe was swollen. I swear i had problems walking and its even worse when i had to work the whole of this week.

But i'm okay now. I'm still alive and kicking.

The best part about this accident is...it was the anniversary of the day i got Medusa. How coincidental please.

On the other hand, i was chewing on a french fry the other day. I was thinking of the amount of thoughts i had in my brain. It seemed overwhelming and tiring at the same time.

I had to think of alot of solutions to problems and how to get things done. Its wearing me down, so i've decided that i dun want to bother anymore. I just wanna live my life, blissfull, ignorant and happy.

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

Pain.

The right side of my brain seems to be sending out jolts of electricity.

So i might die in my sleep.

This is the last will and testament of Fiona Ang.

My bike, Medusa, FM2016C, willed to Khatijah binte Malik (Katie). May you enjoy riding her like i did.
My finances, to be spent on one mother of all kickass parties to celebrate my death.

Erm, i dun really know what else to write.

Everything else to my mother.

Thanks.

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Let's See.

Term is nearly ending.

We're left with exams to go and then its diploma term already. I guess that its been one hell of a term with Econs and Advertising to understand. I expected this term to be alittle bit more happening, but i got alot of drama in the end.

Part of which i was involved in.

Its come to no surprise.

I like to think when i ride around. To reflect on the past, present and future. Alot of thoughts have plagued my mind since school started. I guess its difficult when i need to be there for everyone and not really expecting it back from them. Its this human sacrifice of mine, as i like to call it.

Adam:
You're my bestest best friend alive and i love you oh so very much. No matter how many times i stare daggers at you when you're up to some mischief or doing your "PJ" actions. I still love you for who you are and what you do. I have been the most tiring girlfriend you can have, with my temperments and such, but you took it all. You waved my temperments away like swatting a fly, you never blamed me for saying the bitter, hurtful words i threw at you whenever i was in one of my moods. Instead, you asked and implored for me to calm down. The never ending phone calls till the wee hours of the morning, of which most of the time ends when you doze off on me. To listen to you sleep, to watch you nod off in the cab rides i persuaded you to take no matter how ego-smashing it is. To watch you club and trying to "angkat" girls minahs. It all doesnt matter to me, because i'll always be here to watch over you and your antics. Thanks for the smiles and warmth to my stone cold heart, because now you can tell the world, that you melted the Phoenix's stone cold heart. I'll always love you, and you'll always belong to me.

Alcan:
Girlfriend!! For all the laughter and himbotic things you do to brighten up my life. You never gave anything lesser than your best for me. Talking to you is like talking to my inner self, because you never fail to give me the most direct answers to questions i ask. Cookie and Nono are the very pets you worship, because i watched you display your love for them. Robbie and you never fail to make me feel at home in your house, constantly asking me to help myself to everything, to come over to stay etc. The two of you remind me of the home i do not have, the family i never see. Thank you, for being who you two are.

Bryan:
Dear dear B, i never thought that we would be so close. From the first day of school where i watched your "arrogance" to others, to this loyal friend that i've come to treasure forever. Your problems are always my problems and i will never want to change this, no matter how taxing it is for me. You've made me laugh, cry and even experience fear. But i know you're being fierce because you dun want me to fall down, or get into an accident with Medusa. Thank you, for being such a great friend.

Katie:
Minah, for all the words i said about you to others, i apologise once again. I've never been anything but honest with you. Its true that the saying goes, the pen is mightier than the sword. My words can kill, but i chose to be honest to tell you about what i said and how i felt. I guess it made our friendship stronger in a sense. The nights where i had no destination and we would hang out under your block like regular mats and minahs, smoking our lungs out. It would feel better being able to talk to someone face to face than on the phone. And you were always there for me, through and through. Thank you. for lending me a listening ear when i needed it.

Allison:
Minah No.2, we may not hang out as much because of my hectic schedule and your strict mommy, but all the times that we did made so much of a difference. The times in class where we would bitch about something or someone, laughed and then forget about it. The time where we all got a H1N1 mask from Rosa, and i put it on like a hairband, you laughed at my ears because they looked chachat. Thank you, for being someone i can whine to.

Shak:
Hello first friend! You bloody head butting shit you. For all the times you made me laugh, enough said. But please study for the coming exams okay.

Its the cold roads that i ride through in the middle of the night, feeling the chill of the forest, thinking of each and everyone of you, smiling as i ride. I look like a retard, i know. But for all of you, i'll cross friesfires and climb mountains to get to you in your time of need.

One day i may disappear, to find my purpose in life. But that is another story to tell. =)

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Now i know.

That God is the one that pushes my limits to the brink of death.

I've been having alot of problems with Medusa recently, running to and fro from the mechanic's like i going in and out of hospital like that. I was very stressed out because of her. M helped alot during this week when i faced hardcore shit with Medusa.

I had to push her, like literally, to the shop and it was so not funny. I kena stare, laugh, horned at, but its okay i can take it, for Medusa. Now, she's back home with me. I just have to pray whenever i need to start her up.

But she's good now.

And i'm happy.

I just need to rewire, paint, rewrap seat, change batt pack, front disc brake and fix her tail. Now, isnt that alot to be done?

But i love her, i can go 140km with no problems after her carburetor was changed.

Then her kickstart is the mother of all fucks. Its because i cannot bloody kickstart a bike for NUTS.



My brain is so tired and dead from all the "readings" i am doing. Please, lets all take this two weeks as a cooling down period, to calm down our hormones and do some productive studying. Two problems in one night is really no joke please. I have a job, school to upkeep, Medusa to feed and friends to love.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

When you come back.

From smoking, i dun even know whether i'll be here to talk to you anymore.

I'm sorry, i dun know if this is the better option. But i'm here to live that decision through. The thoughts are plaguing my mind. The very thought, of not being able to touch your arm, to comb your "fur" eats me from the inside.

To watch your name blinking on my phone yet, using my pillow to muffle the sounds, the images.

I didnt want you to hear the tears fall.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Bah.

I realised that with time people tend to take others for granted. And that ungratefulness is the bane of all mankind.

I'm tired of everything and anything. I fell for my BFF and that just sucks. I'm trying to keep my distance but its ripping me apart. I dun want this anymore.

I would like to die.

Please.

I no longer want to know what will happen, or what is going to happen. I'll just let it happen and get the fuck on with life.

I hate school. I dun understand whats with the masses of assignments that we are getting. Its as if we are people with no life whatsoever, we have masses of time to do many assignments and reports.

I hate my life.

Friday, June 19, 2009

Goodbye.

Its now or never.

Its inevitable.

Monday, June 15, 2009

Hello.

Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello I'm your mind giving you someone to talk to
Hello

If I smile and don't believe
Soon I know I'll wake from this dream
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken
Hello I am the lie living for you so you can hide
Don't cry

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello I'm still here
All that's left of yesterday

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

A Proud Parent.

Of a Yamaha Trailway200.

I got my bike since the 8th of June.

Its sweet, and i love it. Its old, like fifteen years old. But i love it. I love it to the core.

Rode with Hafiz all the way till Changi, but stopping at Jalan Kayu for some supper first. The road there was long and cold. Thank God i brought my jacket, although its a thin one.

We had fun. Fiz brought me to OCH and some other abandoned buliding, of which i couldnt see the road and my bike decided to fall down. Its probably pissed it couldnt see the road either. The whole place was pitch black, i had to high-beam all the way in, then came this huge slope, and i fell. I was carrying a pillion, he tahan the weight, but its precisely because he tahan the weight, i couldnt guage the bike's weight.

Sounds confusing, i know.

But all went well till we got to this carpark near the airport. I parked my bike, looked up and thought i went to heaven. It was the sweetest TW alive, exactly how i want my own TW to be. I cannot just type all of this bullshit, you have to see it to believe it.


I love it. The moment i saw it, i fell in love over again. It called my name over and over. The owner of the bike, came back and he saw my TW. He called out and asked whose ride it was, i told him it was mine, he said it was sweet. I said his was the sweetest.

We got to talking and found out alot of TWs. Now, i need to change my carb and do the wiring. God, i am so in love with TWs. His bike was exactly, exactly how i wanted it. My god, can you just kill me nowwww.

Mine was mediocre compared to his. My baby's brother had a better everything.

Fasli, the owner of this bike, let me try out his bike. I nearly died, nearly lost control of my emotions. His bike had to be kickstarted, so i tried, but i couldnt get the hang of it. So he started it for me and off i went.

OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

I wanted to kneel down and beg him to change rides with me, his was the more powerpacked TW. Hardcore i would say.

So now, i need to get new carb and do the wiring for my bike. I love it very much still, but it needs alot to smarten up and meet the world.

I love you, baby.

Thursday, June 04, 2009

Displeasure or Disapproval?

I'm experiencing alot of disapproval from the men in my life.

I'm feeling quite the depressed phoenix right now. The Fiona i used to know doesn't give two fucks. I dun understand why i feel like this right now. I'm so depressed that i really dun know what to do right now.

Why am i feeling this way?

Why are all of their comments affecting what i want to do?

Not only that, this search for TWs is driving me insane. I cannot find the perfect TW at all! I'm so annoyed that its not even remotely funny anymore.

I'm being driven up the wall. Save me.

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Only Love

2 a.m. and the rain is falling
Here we are at the crossroads once again
You're telling me you're so confused
You can't make up your mind
Is this meant to be
You're asking me

But only love can say - try again or walk away
But I believe for you and me
The sun will shine one day
So I'll just play my part
And pray you'll have a change of heart
But I can't make you see it through
That's something only love can do

In your arms as the dawn is breaking
Face to face and a thousand miles apart
I've tried my best to make you see
There's hope beyond the pain
If we give enough, if we learn to trust

[Chorus]

I know if I could find the words
To touch you deep inside
You'd give our dream just one more chance
Don't let this be our good-bye

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Since when?

Ever since i passed and received my license, i received many congratulatory and well-wishes from everyone.

Thank You.

But the shit deal is that i have to endure them telling me that i shouldnt be riding and whatnot. I myself know how bad things are on the road. Even my own sister told my mommy that they have to get ready to get my coffin when i get my bike.

WTFF is this?

Please, i fought to get this license. Do me a favour, just applaud and say congratulations.

PS: Darling, i know you dun like me to ride. But it means everything to me right now. =) I'll be careful okay. I wont do any stunts.

Friday, May 22, 2009

About my TP.

I've taken this 2B course for like eons already, stopping for months at a time for work and whatnot. Then now that i'm back at school, i decide to follow up and go for TP, of which the first Tp i failed.

Freaking 32 points.

All the most nonsense points that is avaliable, all i kena.

I was so depressed, that i cooped myself up at home for the whole day. Not even bothering to answer my phone or msn. It was the worst feeling i could ever feel, and i swore i would never feel like that again.

On this 21st May 2009, i went for my second TP. I made stupid mistakes like, forgetting to signal,delay in moving off and even letting my leg touch the ground.

I was so pissed off that i felt like chopping off my leg and fingers.

Its like any of these small mistakes can contribute to my failure. Plus, the leg on the ground thing constitutes to a immediate failure.

I was one worried dog.

I called Adam to whine for half an hour, then i went up to wait for results. It was the bloody Tension room all over again. The TP came in and called alot of random numbers. But not one was close to my set of numbers. I was freaking out big time.

Then all the TPs left, and i got confused because they didnt call out my number at all! Then how now brown cow!

Then the instructor started reading out numbers, with no link at all. When he was done, he said, "the numbers that i just called, you passed!"

The whole room erupted.

I swear, in one go, all the tension was lost.

I passed, with 16 points.

I feel like i'm at the top of the world right now.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

TP2.

Its finally freaking TP day again!!

I pray with all my heart that i will pass.

Fuck all of those that want me to fail. This is the Day i Pass.

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Lost.

First of all, i did a muthafuck of a mistake. My float had a short of $30. I was so freaking pissed. Thank you for listening.

Somehow, i'm feeling lost.

I dun know how i should be feeling about our friendship. I really am at lost, because i have never felt this way. Its like how i would go to the ends of the earth for you, for any request that you make.

But somehow, i feel something stirring in me when i watch you and what you do.

Strange, very strange. I must read my emotions now.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

No sleep= Grumps.

I am now very very sure that i am not a morning person.

I had some gay workshops on Monday and it was the gayest alive. Do i look like i need workshops for presentation and moral values?

Stop bloody wasting my freaking time.

I ended up snapping in Marketing class, at the lecturer, when he decided to probe about why i looked so down. I started writing my thoughts onto a piece of paper, writing out how i felt and what will happened. I felt that it was time to walk away. It was horrible, i felt horrible. I TKO after that and only woke up when class ended.

But, there are some losers who cannot keep their bloody mouths shut at all. What happens with Adam and i, doesnt even concern you one little bit. Stop trying your best to be "old friends" with me so that you can fit in with my clique of people. You and i, just dun gel, at all. So stop trying your best to make things happen.

This is teletubs, Po.

Our presentation day finally loomed into reality. We were all so excited, calling and msning one another, the night before, asking what the other party was wearing.

We all arrived decked out like we were going for somebody's wedding. It was so much fun and we all thoroughly enjoyed it.

Angelie and i.

Alcan (the sexy beast) and i.

Katie (in five inch wedges) and i.

Shak and Adam.

Shak, Maximoose, Alcan and Allie.

Ahdum and i.

Sherman

My group's picture. Dun ask me what the fella is doing to my photo.

We had one heck of a long day, with our presentation getting cut into half and all. I was angry, but my strained calfs upstaged my anger. My three inch heels are no joke man.

We went for dinner and coffee, then it was home sweet home after that. =)

Monday, May 11, 2009

Underneath Your Clothes.

I used to be able to sing this song very well. But, sad to say i ruined my voice with all the cigarettes and alcohol.

Bah!

Who cares! I love this song, its somewhat how i feel right now. =)

You're a song
Written by the hands of God
Don't get me wrong cause
This might sound to you a bit odd
But you own the place
Where all my thoughts go hiding
And right under your clothes
Is where I find them

Underneath Your Clothes
There's an endless story
There's the man I chose
There's my territory
And all the things I deserve
For being such a good girl honey

Because of you
I forgot the smart ways to lie
Because of you
I'm running out of reasons to cry
When the friends are gone
When the party's over
We will still belong to each other

Underneath Your Clothes
There's an endless story
There's the man I chose
There's my territory
And all the things I deserve
For being such a good girl honey [x2]

I love you more than all that's on the planet
Movin' talkin' walkin' breathing
You know it's true
Oh baby it's so funny
You almost don't believe it
As every voice is hanging from the silence
Lamps are hanging from the ceiling
Like a lady tied to her manners
I'm tied up to this feeling

Underneath Your Clothes
There's an endless story
There's the man I chose
There's my territory
And all the things I deserve
For being such a good girl honey [x2]

Sunday, May 10, 2009

The time will come.

You have no idea how much i value this friendship.

There are so many things i have to contemplate. Things i have to think about. The things i say sounds cliche, i know. But its true. Its all true.

I cannot accept that i can be in the middle of someone's r/s, no matter how much i love you. It is not fair for me or the person you're gonna be with. Yes, she may accept it, but i will not.

You say you dun want things to change. Sad to say, life is all about change. Yes, i've been there for you since Day 2, but things will be different once you make your decision.

How would you want me to accept being the "third party" in other sense.

When the time comes, i will need to walk away.

My heart will break because i will always love you very very much.

This is too much, i need to read into my emotions. I need to think. I'm becoming the saddest and the most depressed.

On a Good Day:

Alittle bit lost and
Alittle bit lonely.
Alittle bit cold here
Alittle bit fear.
But i hold on
And i feel strong
And i know that i can

Getting used to it
Lit the fuse to it
Like to know who i am

Been talking to myself forever yeah
And how i wish i knew me better
Still sitting on the shelf
I never
Never seen the sun shine brighter
And it feels like me
On a Good Day

And it feels like me
On a Good Day.

I'm a little bit handed in
Alittle bit isolated
Alittle bit hopeful
Alittle bit calm

But i hold on
And i feel strong
And i know that i can
Getting used to it
Lit the fuse to it
Like to know who i am

Been talking to myself forever
Yeah
And how i wish i knew me better
Yeah
Still sitting on the shelf
I never
Never seen the sun shine brighter

And it feels like me
On a Good Day


And it feels like me
On a good day


Been talking to myself forever yeah
And how i wish i knew me better yeah
Still sitting on the shelf
I never
Never seen the sun shine brighter

And it feels like me
On a Good day

Been talking to myself forever yeah
And how i wish i knew me better yeah
Still sitting on the shelf
I never
Never seen the sun shine brighter

And it feels like me
On a Good day

Friday, May 08, 2009

Happenings.

I had my first class test.

It was the worst day of my life. I studied and still i couldnt answer properly. I dun understand why. I was quite flustered and Adam wasnt making things any better. The fella was making me stressed, and by the time i went out of the classroom, my hair was like all over the place.

I hate Marketing.

My class is still fun, although there are alot of complex situations happening, and i have no idea why i am like the intermediary for everyone.

Tsk.


We are like hardcore smokers. We come out smoke only, like big problem happened.

I dun know why ah, half my class smokes. So its like hardcore smoking gang balls. Its so fun to have a cigarette and talk cock outside the school gate.

Fiona, Nick, Ahdum.


Fiona, Bryan.

Ahdum, Max, Shak, Angelie.

Ahdum and Fiona!

Girls at the smoking area.

Sunday, May 03, 2009

First class outing!

I have the best classmates ever.

We had to do this self-introductory thing for our first Communications lesson and my group did about, "Why are you here?" thing.

It was bloody hilarious.

Adam: "My name is Adam, i just finished Army, i'm here because i got no purpose in life."

Then thats it, all the nonsense started from this fella.

Derrick: "I'm Derrick, i'm here because nobody wants me."
Mike: "I'm Mike, i never go for holiday before, just go KL, eat and come back."


Fucking funny, my class.

We went out for class outing the other night. It was shit funny, because there were like close to thirty of us that went.

The nonsense games that we played, and the freaking eight towers we consumed. It was all good man.

I really had alot of fun that night. Cheers to you, DMCD0949A.


Monday, April 20, 2009

Back to school.

My lecturer is damn lame. He knows facts about Hello Kitty that we dun know about, like why Hello Kitty got no mouth all. I'm quite like wtf, but its funny ah.

I guess its different now, because today is the first day of school. My class is better than the previous one because theres no stupid bitch to act smart and debate with the lecturer.

Plus theres wayy lesser "chinese" people, so dun have to deal with english electronic dictionaries that "speak out" the wrong translations.

And i'm bored of class already, i want to go shopping...

Saturday, April 18, 2009

You is feeling?

I is feeling retarded.

I went down to Queensway to pay for my school fees yesterday. The queue number states that i need only wait for a maximum of twenty minutes. But it was major bullshit please. I waited for half an hour because a whole bunch of students came in and one by one, they kept interrupting the counter staff. I was bloody annoyed because what is the bloody point of taking a queue number when there are like fifty other people cutting in?!~

When my number was called, i walked over to the counter where this China girl was hogging the seat, she was speaking in rapid chinese to the course consultant and the counsultant kept telling her to speak english. It was very disturbing for me because i couldn't talk to my course consultant properly.

In the end, i finally got things done, and so i left.

When i walked back to the canteen, everyone turned to stare. I guess its because of my appearance again.

I left campus to meet Bedah at Ikea for a late lunch. I got onto 855 and i was busy texting and answering calls, so i didnt take much notice of where the bus was going. When i finally looked up, like six bus-stops away, i realised that on my way to campus, i didnt see Ikea.

So i called Bedah to confirm, and yes, i was on the wrong bus.

I gave up on buses after that and cabbed to Ikea.

We ate at Ikea and i bought a bear for Jean. Jean's been feeling down these days, so i bought her something to cheer her up.

After Ikea i went to meet Jean at Plaza. We went for a snack, and i would say its a snack cos Jean didnt eat much. Did more shopping at Cotton On, because i needed clothes for school. Then we went into La Senza to check out bras and undies.

We went home around 11pm because i was mother tired.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

UPDATE.

I need to go back to work. All this bumming around is making me tired.

I went shopping with Neh on Tuesday. I couldnt sleep thus i went down to return my uniform to my ex-workplace. Then i got bored, so i called Neh.

Met up in Tamp to explore the new shopping mall. It was quite happening there, plenty of people. I nearly died because of the bloody load i was carrying, i had six ashtrays, twelve Patron shot glasses and my boots. My shoulder had red marks and my hands had no sensation at all.

I was dog tired.

But i couldnt sleep.

We shopped at Topshop where i bought a dress. A dress i tell you, its quite cute. All it needs is a belt.

Then we went to buy leggings, which i do not wear whatsoever. So i got fishnets instead. And because we had to wait for Neh's mom to transfer her money, we went for some food at Secret Recipe. The service was horrible, slow and all, but i can understand. But you cannot possibly want me to be understanding when you serve my friend a chipped glass?

And the chip in the glass was quite substantial, Neh says my eyesight is damn sharp.

I waved the server over and showed her the glass, she never even apologise or anything, she just took the glass away and replaced it.

Wow. Powerful "service".

Anyway, we just paid the bill and wrote a feedback card for them.

Oh, and i kept getting stares for all my tattoos, for the bigger pieces at least. It still amazes me that people can walk by you with their mouths wide open and not pay any attention to where they're going.

But i'm relatively used to it already.

We went to draw money and it was back to Topshop again, where we tried on like 2347597238 more clothes and Nehfell in love with like almost all the clothes.

So i told i'll put them all on my card first, then she can pay me back later.

Total bill was like $187 something, my card cannot go through lah. So the salesgirl swiped a $100 on it first to see if it'll go through, then the rest can pay by cash. We did just that and everything was okay.

We were both mother tired to the max so we sat down somewhere to have one last smoke before leaving, and thats when i saw Szemin and Bev, so four of us sat down and talked for awhile before leaving.

I was dog tired to the max and i knock out at midnight, and woke up only at 7am. =)

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

I'm back.

I'm back, and its gonna be another mother of a rollercoaster ride.

I havent blogged here in a million years. Sadly, the only reason why i left this blog was because of the memories and pain that i've blogged about here.

So many things has happened since i last blogged here. The many few men that i had in my life, the quick period of time i was with Attica then to Harry's. My life hasn't failed in giving me heart attacks yet.

So to entertain you while i search for a new blogskin plus type (pompimpim lah deh!) a nice long entry with many many peektures, heres some old but very memorable reads.

Louise's Message to me.
Student Leadership days.
Letter to my ex-manager.
Saddest entry of my blog.