Sunday, October 07, 2007

New offer.

I dun think i'm going to wait for the PR offer anymore.

I dun even know why i bothered to wait in the first place. I am sucha naive bitch sometimes. I should have just bulid up my database then go into PR, it wouldnt be too late also. Sometimes, i think i'm waay past my own age.

Oh well, i think too much, bottom line.

I got an offer today. How it happened was quite interesting. I was walking back from break with Brant and Faz when i see this guy beckoning me over to his side, i thought he was signalling to Brant, so i looked away. Then i looked up again, he was pointing at me, calling me over.

What he said and what i answered is private. But he did offer me a position to lead his team. I dun have a problem with taking up his offer, but then again, i know nuts of the details also. So i think i have to find out before i make my decision.

Rah. Why is life so difficult to comprehend nowadays?

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Happy Birthday Mel.

Dear Mel,

I dun know if you'll ever read this, but i'm still gonna write it anyway. Its your second birthday since i've met you and we still havent done a celebration together. We both had alot of secrets with one another, with the one sided feelings i had for you that was never reciprocated and whatnot. Its okay, because i got over it a long time ago.

I still miss your smell to this day. The scent of CK Be whenever i'm out with you, or going for a spin in your dad's car. I cannot remember where we've been out together for a spin, but trying to recall gives me a warm feeling, as if my subconscious doesnt want to show me the memories but is assuring me that it was a meaningful one.

Although its a sad smile that appears, its still a smile nevertheless.

You ever told me that you'll dote on me the most, but that seems a tad bit difficult now, because i dun even know your location in the world. I've always loved the way you touched my hair, the way you entertained me and called me a bimbo because my general knowledge seems to melt away whenever i'm with you. You made me feel more loved than what i ever experienced in my whole lifetime. I was only eighteen then, young and reckless.

We both used to smoke like there was no tomorrow. Viceroy Menthol Lights Super was the only thing we both smoked. I dun know if you still smoke, but i've decided to quit because the men i've met after you all dun smoke at all.

Remember the time i went to Bangkok with my mother? I came back with a huge bag of stuff for you. You and the others ganged up and lied that you couldnt come and welcome me back. I was sad when i heard it, but i found out the loophole all the same. I missed your smell at that time, but i got to inhale a lungful when i gave you a big hug.

How about the time when the whole lot of us went to Cafe Cartel at Cine and ate a whole lot of bread? Subsequently, we went to the branch at PS and you took the whole loaf and put it on our table. And how about i would always whine and insist on you helping me to butter my slice of bread?

I thought of putting up photos, but i dun think that would be a very good idea. =)

And the time the group decided to go for steamboat at Marina, and you kept adding things to my plate, making sure i ate all the best there was. You knew i was afraid of prawns, so you kept them well away from me. You knew i was a picky eater, so you got stuff that you knew i'll eat, so that i didnt have to eat crabsticks at all. The amount of green tea the both of us drank, was all paid by you. You knew my every need and fears. You were my everything.

Now comes the sad part. I know you're still hung up over Kelly even though its been nearly a year. I never blamed you for choosing her over me, but still, i wished you had been more straightforward in telling me, rather then letting me find out for myself. You know i'm lucky and smart, there was no way i couldnt have found out. You broke my heart into a million pieces, but it made me a much stronger person in character when i learnt how to pick myself up.

Its been so long but i feel that we both are still awkward whenever we have a conversation, which is to say, scarce and really once in a blue moon. I wish the friendship between us didnt have to be like this, i wish that i can tell you this face to face now. But i dun think i can, because you have kept to yourself since Sept 3 2006. I only seen you once after that date, where i sat in stone cold silence whilst you finished your hotdog at Lucky Plaza. Everyone stared at me, glancing away whenever i caught their eye. Because they knew about you and Kelly's break up, and nobody wanted to be the one to tell me face to face.

I admit i cursed your relationship in anger, but i forgot all about it till i heard the news. I'm sorry for being such a possessive bitch, but i was only eighteen at that time.

I still cherish our friendship no matter what. I havent forgotten how much of a friend you were to me. Plus if you're worried that i'll have feelings again, that is super unlikely, because i've moved on already, and i wont go back to the same situation i was in ever again.

The one i call my older brother is still here in my heart. But still, i will never know if you'll read this. Maybe someday, we see each other again, when i'm happily married with kids. In fact, i'll name one of my boys after you. =) And you can be his godfather. That is if you want to.

I'll still be around. If fate decides it, we'll meet again.

P.S Happy 27th Mel.

Loves, Fiona.