Last Prelim paper.

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YAY!

Today's the last of Prelims 2006! I'ma happy girl!

Free at last! But tmr got school, what a damper.

Anyway, Accts was suprisingly do-able. I finished the paper in 22mins and i was staring aimlessly around the hall. I was quite bored. Then again, accts 1 is easy! No 40k difference or anything like that. So i think i'm pretty safe.

Khalid came by my table. He stopped to lean on my table with a pose. I stunned for like three seconds then i went, "WHAT?"

Khalid: "You never come yesterday?"
Me: "No, overslept."
Khalid: "You never come for English also right?"
Me: "You are mad. I was present for both papers okay."
Khalid: "So what papers you missed?"
Me: "Maths."
Khalid: "Are you purposely absenting yourself for papers?"
Me: "Like no. Are you mad. For what?"
Khalid: "Dun do this for Os ah."
Me: "Yah lah."

Then he proceeds over to Solomon's table.

Solo: "`Cher! Why you hang your phone there sia?"
Khalid put his phone in a belt holder see.
Khalid: "Why? Cannot ah?"
Solo: "Sial lah! Kill sperms sial!"
Me: -snorts with laughter-

Cheebye.

Of all things he says, he had to say that. Fucking funny can! I laughed and laughed.

Then Khalid went over to Shams to chat.

Apparently he was asking Shams if the English 2 was difficult. It wasnt difficult. It was fucking difficult, i say. Dun know why want to make our lives so difficult for what. Stupid paper.

So Kumari collected our papers and everyone started asking CL for answers to various questions. I was mildly listening to their conversation. I didnt join in because i dun see the point in comparing answers. So what if you're wrong? Or right? It boils down to the marks that you'll be getting what. Even if you compare so much, also cannot change your answers. So discuss for fuck.

We were all detained by Yoonus. All because he took his own sweet time to call out individual Express people to do some survey. None of the Sec5s were asked to do any. He could have just dismissed us first and then call out names. In the end, we wasted like 15mins listening to him drone on and on about whoever from what class, go where etc.

Waste of time really.

Lunched with Sher, MJ and Xinni.

We were all eating and talking about random stuff. Then when we were all done with eating, we talked somemore. Okay, so MJ is afraid of cats.

A cat approached our table and Xinni was nudging MJ to tell her that there was a cat near her. MJ started freaking out and telling Xinni off, asking her not to fool around. Then MJ turned around and the cat stopped in it tracks to stare back at her. They made eye contact and MJ started yanking on Xinni's hand, pleading with her to chase the cat away.

Sher was also afraid, but she didnt have such a big reaction.

MJ pleads got louder and louder as the cat approached her chair. She closed her eyes and continued yanking on Xinni's hand, pleading with her to chase the cat away. The cat then decided to sit right under MJ's chair for a 30second break. MJ was close to freaking out. She had her legs up on the chair already. I could actually see tears in her eyes when she opened them to check the cat's location.

When she found out that the cat was under her chair, she really freaked and started half-crying and wailing. I was laughing my guts out. If i had balls, they would have jumped on the table and laughed with me. Sher, Xinni and i laughed non-stop at her. The three of us made feeble attempts to chase the cat away, because we were so weak with laughter. Finally the cat moved away and MJ was still wailing away, clinging onto Xinni's arm for dear life. She opened her eyes and asked me where the cat was. I could only laugh and point.

The cat was already pretty far away. MJ calmed down and started wiping away her tears while the rest of us continued laughing at her.

It was fucking hilarious i tell you.

I nearly laughed my lunch out again. It was that hilarious. Her reaction was classic.

After that, we parted ways and went home.

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I met up with Kimchoo around three in the afternoon. She was bored. We ended up talking about my problems. I guess she hasnt seen me like that in a long time. She's right, i shouldnt do this to myself. All along, i innocently thought i could have you dote on me for always. But life isnt a bed of roses isnt it? She opened my boxed vision to the matter a whole lot more. She can percieve what we both are thinking, she's good in that. The things she said made me tear again, just when i thought i was over crying already.

She said that theres someone out there who's waiting for me. It may be someone that i've rejected before.

And i shudder to think about that. Because of that nerd.

She said that i've always been strong. And how i hate being that. Its this perception that people have about me. That i can move on faster then you can say,

iatefiveearthquakesinthreehoursandbarfeditallbackout. (Try this)

It really isnt true. No matter how much i look like i'm okay and everything, its just a facade.

Try being me for a day. You'll understand then. Kim also said she felt anger in me. And i'm having spasms now while typing this. I seriously dun know what to feel anymore. As i said, i just wanted someone to dote on me. That's all i wanted, nothing more. But i cannot blame you can i? You need to devote your time and affections to another now. I'm your meimei, i have to understand. I cant not understand.

Theres so many things i need to consider. So many things i need to come to terms with. It feels as if i'll never bounce back up again. Theres a huge weight attached to me, holding me down. Yes, you still hold your promises to me. But is there a need anymore? If one day she leaves you, will you come back and say you're sorry all over again? You know i dun want that. I want you to be happy, even if its at my expense.

You're prolly gonna say that nobody's at fault and everything. But i'm going to say this for the last time, i feel that its my fault. I'm not trying to make you or her feel gulity.

I dun wanna do this anymore, i dun want to be the reason why. Everytime i pick up your call, i die a little more inside. I dun want to be, my murderer.

I really dun want to go through this any longer. Everytime i look into a mirror i get a shock, i'm scared of this side of me. I jump in fright because my double eyelid's become a single. My face is one blotch and i look like a clown, which is beside the point and extremely not funny.

I cannot go through this any longer. Its still gonna be like that isnt it? Our six months of friendship gone just like that. I was there for you when you were down. I was there when you needed someone to talk to. I'm your sister and you dropped me like a hot brick after you got attached.

I cannot continue blogging. Theres too much pain.