Fuck the nineteen years that i've lived

Sometimes, i think back and i realised that i've been through alot of shit. I think about the past between Mel and i, like how we were not together-gether and all the shit, tears and probably blood that i've shed for the whole period of time. But never mind, you wouldnt understand anyway.

Nobody understands how i work. Each and everytime someone tells me that i've given them attitute and shown my temper is talking fucking bullshit.

FUCK YOU.

Nobody has seen me at my worst, yet.

I may be the insane one that blows up at times, but thats just annoyance actually. Its not even full blown eruption yet. At times, i feel like grabbing a rock glass and bashing it onto someone's head till their skull cracks. I can want to be able to feel the blood rushing through my hands and head. Then maybe i'll be appeased by all the blood.

Its fun!

I am psychotic. I've never denied that.

Thats how i am. I'm the straightforward person that tells you to fuck off in your face.

I think about my results and where i can go after that. Then the reality check hits me again, as i remember that i didnt quite make it because i failed Maths and Science. Fuck Maths and Science please. This is the only two subjects that are full of bullshit and is of no real use
to anyone.

I dun see me telling the customer to x1-y1/ y2-x1 whenever i'm talking to them. It'll be retarded wouldnt it?

Then i think about it again, i cant go anywhere already. I've reached the end of my education. I'm tired, i seriously am. Everyday is a battle to fight for something that i dun even know about. I have nothing, except for a N and O level certs plus alot of other nonsensical certs. I dun even know why i bother to keep fighting for something that i dun even know if i need in the future.

Fuck life. Bottom line.

All i have is the knowledge of spirits, champange and wines. Even so, my knowledge is limited, because everything i know is bits and pieces. So in the end, it's as though i dun know anything at all.

Bah, my life sucks. I dun even know why i lived nineteen years in vain for.

YM LAH.