When thoughts go wandering.

I've never been the one who waits for anything. Sometimes i think i was born without a patience gene. But for the past month, i waited for an answer.

Till i gave up waiting.

The wait destroyed part of my life. I didn't want anyone to know about it, keeping it to myself. The worst part was having to pretend that everything was perfect and that i didn't have any problems. It was as if i lost everything overnight, my world lost its sun, the only thing that brightened up my days.

I took a gamble, because i know if i lose, i lose everything. But still i persisted in my desires, hoping and praying for the "loss" that will not come. In the end, i was still the loser, with nothing to return home with. I had nothing and nobody.

I had to go through what i was going through by myself and the shit deal was probably that i still had to listen to other peoples' problems, but i had nobody to listen to mine. I felt the loneliest during this period. I had nobody to trust, or rather i lost faith in people.

The bitching around refused to stop. It was as if i was talking to clay that was already conformed their shape. I gave up talking eventually because the feelings i had would not let me form words for them. School became a goddamn drag because i couldn't pay attention in any of my classes.

Any shit deal that can happen, happened.

I'm still picking myself up, wondering what and where did i go wrong. Maybe it was wrong for me to want someone i cannot have. So i've decided not to conform to one and be the non-conformist that i am.